I was feeling stable and strong showing up to my Dr. appointment on Friday for the baseline ultrasound to start our next embryo transfer cycle. I was looking forward to seeing my doctor and the familiar faces around the clinic. I was happy to get this baby-making project started again. I thought I had sufficiently put my recent pregnancy loss behind me (at least for the sake of getting through this appointment) and was focused on the forward march ahead. But then I saw a glimpse of the nurse down the hall who was with us in the room the day we saw our twins at the end of their short little life…and it all came rushing back. And then I was escorted to the exam room, where the site of the ultrasound television screen nearly brought me to tears. The last image I saw there was of complete stillness and shook me to the core and left me devastated. But I put a smile on my face and held it together as I shook my Dr’s hand and responded with “yes” and a smile to his question, “have you had enough time to refill your emotional tank?” The ultrasound showed that everything was fine. I had my blood drawn by a very sweet and friendly nurse where we had a chance to giggle. I asked her how best to break down scar tissue and referred to this as my “butt injury” as my glute muscles have still not recovered from all the intramuscular injections from the previous cycle and pregnancy. I had my new injection schedule in hand, and I walked away from the building focused on the next step with some hope in my heart.

Here we go…